Flourish Studios extends our heartfelt condolences to the Connecticut families who have experienced trauma and loss following today’s inexplicable school shooting.  To help families process this tragedy we offer the following suggestions:

1. Have a conversation with your child about what happened but limit specific details to discussions with older children.  Be sure to reassure your child (any age child) that everyone in their family is safe and that the adults in their world are doing everything possible to keep them safe.  Let your children know that you are available to discuss this further in the future when they have questions or more thoughts to talk about.  Be prepared that questions will come at times you may not expect them to (drive to grandma’s house, before bed, during bath time).
2. Talk about how you feel sad that many families are grieving (feeling even sadder) because they lost people they loved.  Be a positive role model of how to express difficult emotions for your child, showing them that you can feel sad but still function in your parent role and that you can still feel happy about other things (upcoming holiday celebrations) while being very sad about what happened in Connecticut.  In addition, be sure to communicate that talking about these feelings helps everyone feel better.
3. Do not watch television news coverage with young children.  Words and concepts such as shooter, dead bodies, and grieving parents are too complicated for young children to process emotionally as well as cognitively.  This information only overwhelms children’s psyches.
4. Actively do something to acknowledge the crisis and participate in the healing process.  This is a great time to pray together as a family, make a financial contribution as a family to an organization working to improve the safety of our nation or a memorial fund, send a card(s) to families in Connecticut (mailed to the school) expressing your support during this difficult time.  You could just do something nice in your own community or family (make cookies for an elderly friend, draw a picture with your child as a special gift for your child’s teacher, and/or have a special “we are a great family” dinner where you remind your children how much you love them).
5. For adults…limit watching television news coverage.  The news coverage is 24/7 at the beginning of any tragic event but new information only comes sporadically.  Checking in with your desired station once every couple of hours (if you feel the need to get information via television coverage) will keep you up to date.  You can also get this same information at the end of the day by reading news summaries on the internet.

Flourish Studios hopes these suggestions will help you and your family process the feelings and information that have arose from this traumatic day as well as help process the information coming forth in the days ahead.  Should you have additional questions regarding your specific child and family on this topic, please contact Dr. Julia at drjulia@icanflourish.com or call her at 773.281.8130 x802.

Happy New Year!  I know this is the day many of us start working on our new year’s resolutions and for at least one day are likely to succeed.  But what about the 364 other days, the ones where we slip back into old patterns and forget our new year’s resolutions?  What if this year was different and we actually reached many of our personal goals we set out to achieve on Jan 1^st?  Imagine a day that you don’t have those annoying thoughts bombarding you about what you are not doing (not getting on the treadmill, not eating enough fruits or vegetables, not saving enough money)?  And what if you stop acting out those behaviors that lead you to feeling guilt and shame (e.g., eating a scoop of ice cream at 12 midnight, having the extra glass of wine at the party, speaking sarcastically to a loved one.).  Wouldn’t this be fantastic!?!  I really believe this is possible but it will take some work.

I am proposing that we band together to reach our goals this year.  I will start by creating a blog that will connect you to information that will help you achieve your goals, inspire you to stay motivated, and hopefully add a little humor on your journey towards reaching your goals.  Your only job right now is to start thinking about the personal goals you really want to reach.  If you already know what they are, write them down and tomorrow we will look are our goals to make sure they are written in a way that will support your efforts, not take away from them.  We will write our goals in a way that will start us off on the right foot to reaching these goals and help everyone reach them ONCEANDFORALL!

For a peek into what content is likely to appear in this blog (and for those so excited about this process that they can’t wait to get started) check out my WGN interview at http://www.wgntv.com/news/middaynews/middayfix/wgntv-midday-fix-dr-julia-rahn-i-can-flourish,0,4878555.story  You will get a sneak peek into some of my goals and have five additional ideas  to think about until we meet here again.

I am really looking forward to taking this journey with you.

Peace and Pears,

Julia

Instead of dealing with the stress of the holidays how about working to add more joy? Working towards feeling calm, grateful, and loving are surefire ways to change the holidays from stressful to joyful.
Below are 5 tips that truly work to add more joy and peace to your holiday season.

1. Take One Day at a Time and stay present for each moment. Schedule mindfully so that you have plenty of time to get from place A to place B, with even time for a breather (i.e. coffee/tea break, wrapping a present, change of clothes). Rushing only adds more pressure to the holidays –our schedule is something only we plan ourselves.

2. Embrace Tradition. Tradition connects us to our past…a time when the wonder of the holidays seemed to be a part of everything. Tradition can also help us keep structure in the day. Knowing how to plan (what to buy, who to invite, what to wear) for the bigger events takes a whole lot of the stress out of the holiday equation.

3. Try Something New. While tradition matters, you can also spice things up by trying something different this year. Try a new recipe along with your traditional feast, volunteer for a day with friends or your family, and/or invite someone who doesn’t celebrate your holiday to your celebration. Changing things up just a bit will often be the one memory that family and friends remember for years to come.

4. Leave the Critic At Home. This holiday, try leaving your inner judge at home. While you may feel a bit disappointed for not losing the 20 pounds you wanted to fit into that new holiday outfit you spotted or you are a bit envious of your wealthy relatives with the latest and greatest gadgets, you don’t have to continue to put yourself down for not being or having all that you expect yourself to be and possess.

5. Bring Gratitude Wherever You Go. One of my favorite quotes by David Steindl-Rast….”it is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” To bring more joy into the holidays all we need to do is find something to be grateful for. And believe me, everyone has something to be grateful for.

Let’s have a conversation. You and I both know there are things in our lives, families, and communities we would like to change. I believe that change only happens after a conversation. A conversation with ourselves, our loved ones, and our fellow citizens. So I am going to start the conversation. Flourish Studios was designed to promote positive change through education, art and excellent resources to help people live their best lives. Wondering what you are trying to change and what types of resources and merchandise you would like to see offered at Flourish. Now it is your turn to respond. I am really looking forward to hearing from you! You matter to us  lets continue the conversation!

Peace and Pears,

Dr. Julia

The experience of being understood, versus interpreted, is so compelling, you can charge admission. -B. Joseph Pine II